Hungry

Life has been busy lately, and i have been eating out way too much. Nothing messes with my foodplan like eating out. Yikes. I find it hard to get enough veggies in, unless i order a meal-size salad. But then i get hungry, and feel a little ripped off. Also, i would never buy white flour bread or pasta, but when they serve it up to me in a restaurant, i happily devour it. Have i learned nothing?

I'm staying on track, sort of, by continuing to get to the gym and getting right back on the foodplan when i eat something i feel like i shouldn't, but it's a downhill snowball, i tell you. I eat a piece of celebratory cake for my partner's birthday, and then i want ice cream. The next day i find myself trying to work a chocolate bar into the foodplan. I'm not ready to abstain completely from sugar (as many OAs do) but the fact that i try to keep it reasonable, while still being a self-declared food addict means there's a lot of internalized negotiation. Should i, shouldn't i, how much etc etc etc...It's utterly crazymaking.

I've also noticed that since losing the four pounds i gained in the first couple of months this year, i have this "i've been good and deserve a little reward" attitude going on. That's the attitude that will have me back up over the 300# mark in a heartbeat, if i'm not careful. By way of this post, i'm reminding myself that my priority is three healthy, moderate meals and two optional snack per day. Chocolate donuts cannot be part of the regular foodplan of someone who wants to reach a more healthy body weight. My other key priority is the regulation of a healthy blood sugar level, and that's tough to do while partaking of white flour/sugary foods.

Assumptions

Sometimes i wonder what the skinny people are thinking....

I've got a work colleague who has been showing up to the gym regularly (4-5 mornings a week) since February. She embarked on a plan she referred to as the "4 week miracle" for the sole purpose of getting more fit for a surfing vacataion. She seems to be at a healthy weight, though she has made comments in the past indicating to me that she'd like to lose some weight (whatever). So, yesterday she said to me, "so are you happy with the results of working out more regulaly?" Um....more regularly than what? I've been regular since before last summer, and certainly long before she started her 4 week miracle. I didn't really say anything and just kind of sat in stunned silence, thinking how unfortunate it was that she said that, knowing i won't feel the same way about her after making such a dumb assumption.

Then last night a friend of my partner came over and subjected us to a lengthy description of her new diet. Though it's not worth detailing here suffice it to say it involves about 800 calories a day and a 20 minute walk. She took pains to explain how anything more strenuous would build muscle (which = bad, in her nutritionist's opinion) which isn't good for weight loss. Huh? Talk about a perverse interpretation of wisdom around exercising. The part that was off-putting, however, was that this friend lectured this at us as if because it was all apparently new information for her, that it would be for us too. It was more than a little offensive to be lectured at by someone who walks and hour and 40 minutes when i am someone who exercises about 6 hours a week, and is careful to significantly elevate my heartrate each time i work out and weight train twice a week.

If i sound a little defensive, it's because I am...

I think the assumption here is clear- if you're fat, it must be because you don't know how to exercise or diet. And people make comments based on this assumption ALL THE TIME. It's bloody infuriating. I've never had a fat friend say to me something like "It's a revolutionary new diet based on reduced consumption of carbs..". More like "Yeah- i'm trying to curb the carbs too, but Mama loves the buttered toast!". When big girls talk to each other, there is a mutal understanding that we know what the latest developments in diet and nutrition are, because we follow this stuff in a way that is practically religious. Skinny people (or less dismissively, people with only a moderate amount of weight to lose) talk to us as if we musn't have a clue, which is why we are like this. In my experience, women who carry a significant amount of extra weight are much more likely to be highly knowledgeable in this area. The skinny girls don't have to be, so they read some article in cosmo and take it as gospel.

I'm sure what bugs me is not just the self-centreness of the approach but also the lack of sensitivity with which some skinny people approach this.