Not Giving Up

Things have been really tough for me lately- lots of high and lows in my life and i just don't deal well with those. The high: my girlfriend and I are engaged and are going to get married next year. The low: my family (mom, dad, brother) is not happy for us, has not congratulated us and is actually ignoring the whole thing. To say this is hurtful is an understatement. It hurts so much, it almost feels physical. And how have i escaped from painful feelings for the past 20 years? I eat and eat and eat. As a result of these recent events, I'm not bingeing, but my craving for sugar has reached new heights. I don't know why i continue to believe that sugar can make everything better, but goddess knows i keep reaching for it.

My will to work out continues to wane, but i'm still dragging myself through the motions. Some days are half-hearted, some are as good as ever. My weight has stayed the same, but if i don't knock it off with the sugar it will begin to rise. This i know for sure.

I also feel destined to be one of the 95% (or whatever the *actual* statistic is) of people who don't stay on a diet long enough to get to their goal weight. I'm trying to remain optimistic, i just see my resolve waning. I've been on this plan for two years now. I've lost 60 pounds, and my health is improved but 270 pounds isn't a healthy weight by anyone's standard. I see others achieving fantastic results (check out http://www.pastaqueen.com/halfofme/index.html WOW!!!), and doing it on a steady timeline. I'm inspired by the evidence that it is possible, and deflated by the fact that i'm a stop/start kind of person. It would be nice if writing about this here could spur me into action and recommittment. Maybe it will, maybe it won't, but i'm not giving up. I know where giving up would lead me- right back into uncontrollable eating and misery. So, i guess i'm just going to accept where i am today and move forward.