It Is What It Is

Well, a lot of time has passed, but instead of deleting this blog i decided to keep writing, but 'come out' about the OA element of my plan for recovery from morbid obesity. I was also a little put off by the fact that no one's reading, but then i remembered that i'm doing this for me (at least i should be...).

Anyways, for the past few weeks i've been stuck in self-pity. If i can't lose weight on 1200-1500 calories/day with 45 minutes of exercise 5x/week then forget it. I give up. I'm grateful that that didn't mean a complete abandonment of my food plan and exercise regime, but the meals did get bigger, less healthy and the gym dropped from 5 days, to 4 to 2 last week. And i realized that i didn't feel better, i just felt less hopeful, less healthy and more guilty. I've come too far to throw in the towel now, so i need to find a way to just stay more spiritually centered. What the goddess wants for me, is much better than i am willing to settle for myself. So today, I re-committ. No more excuses about how hard it is for me to lose weight, or how stressful a home renovation is. As a breast-cancer survivor said to me (although she was talking about what to do in the face of a diagnosis of a serious disease) "sometimes you gotta just put your 'big girl' panties on and suck it up!". So that's what i'm going to do. The actions i am going to take to reflect this are as follows:

1. No more self-pity. It will lead me back to the binge without fail. (that's the one thing i never need to find motivation for, it always just finds me...).
2. Curb the complaining. about the reno, the stress, the diabetes, the PCOS....it is what it is. Acceptance is the answer.
3. Drop the scale. I am ceasing weekly weigh-ins until further notice. The plateau has been de-motivating, and is driving me to un-healthier choices. As a result, i'm just going to work on making healthier choices and sticking to my plan every day.

That's it for now. We'll see how it goes, but i feel better already.