Breakthrough
It's been a while since i've posted, and while usually that means that i haven't been doing well and don't want to talk about it, this time that is not the case.
In September i became aware of all of the negative energy in my life that was hampering my weight loss by impeding my ability to stick to my food plan. Well actually, that makes it sound easier than it was. Basically, i got fed up with putting everyone else's feelings before my own and decided to take a stand. So i did. And it felt good. Then i got a therapist and started talking to him about my feelings. And that felt good. And then he asked me this great question about whether i treat myself better or worse during times of conflict with others, and of course the answer was worse (much much worse).
So that turned into me consciously doing something nice for myself every day. I started viewing going to the gym or an OA meeting as somthing i did FOR myself instead of TO myself. I began buying myself flowers to keep on my desk at work. And somewhere along the way, i looked at what i was eating and knew i needed to decrease the portion size. It wasn't a big dramatic analysis, assessment and overhaul, it was all just really simple. I just needed the courage to eat less, and live through periods of actual hunger. And you know what? It hasn't killed me. I don't like feeling hungry. In some strange way it makes me worried to feel actual hunger, but i'm learning to just work my way through that. I'm eating at least 1200 calories a day, so i know i'm not starving myself.
Anyways, i've lost about 15 pounds and am down to the 260s, something i haven't seen for a long time. And really, the change came about because of changes i made to my life. I would never have made the realization about my portions being too big without having the clarity that came from taking care of myself. For me, that's a huge shift.
In September i became aware of all of the negative energy in my life that was hampering my weight loss by impeding my ability to stick to my food plan. Well actually, that makes it sound easier than it was. Basically, i got fed up with putting everyone else's feelings before my own and decided to take a stand. So i did. And it felt good. Then i got a therapist and started talking to him about my feelings. And that felt good. And then he asked me this great question about whether i treat myself better or worse during times of conflict with others, and of course the answer was worse (much much worse).
So that turned into me consciously doing something nice for myself every day. I started viewing going to the gym or an OA meeting as somthing i did FOR myself instead of TO myself. I began buying myself flowers to keep on my desk at work. And somewhere along the way, i looked at what i was eating and knew i needed to decrease the portion size. It wasn't a big dramatic analysis, assessment and overhaul, it was all just really simple. I just needed the courage to eat less, and live through periods of actual hunger. And you know what? It hasn't killed me. I don't like feeling hungry. In some strange way it makes me worried to feel actual hunger, but i'm learning to just work my way through that. I'm eating at least 1200 calories a day, so i know i'm not starving myself.
Anyways, i've lost about 15 pounds and am down to the 260s, something i haven't seen for a long time. And really, the change came about because of changes i made to my life. I would never have made the realization about my portions being too big without having the clarity that came from taking care of myself. For me, that's a huge shift.
posted by Saffy @ 6:08 AM
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